by Donna Wallace MA, BCC, LADC

What is anger?
Anger is an emotion. Emotions can simply be thought of as reactions to situations. It is the value or judgment that we place on emotions that labels them as bad or good.

Emotions can spark physical reactions. Anger can create a “fight or flight” reaction in the body.

Anger is Not Always Negative
Some examples: If we get mad enough at unjust situations, we might work to change them. If we are in actual danger, anger (through the flight or flight response) can stir a self-protective response.

Anger and Disempowerment
Therapist/author/speaker Steven Stosny relates anger to feelings of disempowerment; angry reactions are an attempt to take back personal power in situations in which we feel helpless.

Anger gets compulsive, when it becomes our “go to” reaction to feeling threatened.  

Reacting in Anger and Harm
It is never ok to react in anger and harm yourself or others in the process! If you can keep a lid on your anger in some situations and not others, then you actually have more control than you realize.

  • Seek professional help when necessary.
  • Write your own “no harm” contract and stick with it. Let trusted others help hold you accountable.
  • Diffuse Anger through breathing deeply, counting to 10, leaving the room, going for a walk, taking a “rain check” to talk about situations until all parties cool down.
  • Communication skills help us learn to interact with others in ways that do not escalate anger.

Blame
Blaming others is often a part of an anger reaction.

  • Blame shifts responsibility for our feelings and reactions onto others.
  • Blame makes us a victim. We lose personal power when we get in the habit of blaming instead of accepting personal responsibility.

How Can Therapy Help?
Therapy can help uncover the underlying thought patterns that lead to angry reactions. Often these thought patterns have been present since early childhood. Individual therapy can help uncover these patterns. Insight therapy then helps clients catch themselves when anger triggers arise.

Communication skills and mindfulness techniques can both be helpful skills for anger management. These can be taught in individual and/or group therapy sessions.

Anger and Addiction Link
Both anger and addiction can become compulsive behaviors that serve the same underlying purpose. A therapist who specializes in both areas can be especially helpful for those who struggle with a combination of both of these.

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About the Author:
Donna Wallace MA, BCC, LADC uses her Adlerian training in insight therapy as well as her drug and alcohol counseling and yoga therapy training and experience in tandem to help people get to the root of and deal with anger and addiction issues. Although Donna works both as an individual and group counselor, groups require committed participants to be run. Waiting lists may apply for therapy groups to be initiated. Beginning therapy on an individual basis may be the quickest way to get the help needed.  

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References:
Ansbacher, H. & Ansbacher, R. (1956). The individual psychology of alfred adler. New York, NY: Harper & Row Publishers.

Dodes, L. (2002). The heart of addiction: A new approach to understanding and managing alcoholism and other addictive behaviors. New York, NY: HarperCollins.

Potter-Efron, R. (2007) Rage: A step by step guide to overcoming explosive anger. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.

Stosny, S. (1995). Treating attachment abuse: A compassionate approach. New York, NY: Springer Publishing Company.